“I love you wit…

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”
― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets



Perfection, not even saints are perfect! Isn’t your heart ever heavy when you come across people who live a “Christian Life” and yet treat people like dirt, they steal, they hate, they take advantage, they ostracize others because they think they are better then you. We know these people, we may even be them. But little do we remember that forgiveness is a gift, a gift from God, how do we expect to be forgiven by our Creator if we cannot forgive our brother, our sister, our parents, our neighbor, or anyone else that has wounded our spirit? If we cannot make peace with those who make up our life how can we expect peace in our heart.

My mantra is always, I am an imperfect human being, always struggling to do good, I fail miserably many days, every day! I am no better then anyone else, my place in this world is as a servant, a servant of God. I fail Him continually.

Years ago, I heard someone say, if God allowed us to look into the mirror of our soul, we would die that instant! So imperfect and dark would it be! So whenever I find myself judging someone I think of those words, knowing that I am not better, holier, saintly then anyone else. Instead, I struggle everyday, I have my demons I battle, my imperfections in my heart, my soul, my mind; always, always needing healing, prayer and the Grace of God!
In that same conversation, I also heard the saddest words that have
ever pierced my heart….every sin that we commit is like taking those
nails and nailing Christ over and over, continually He suffers from our
sinfulness….And, yet, I still take that nail and without conscience, I strike
that nail head and drive them deeper into His wounds…I fall to my
knees in sadness and tears sting my eyes, seeking reparation, asking for forgiveness and even at times death to end my suffering and to end
His suffering….

On the constant days that I shut my ears and heart from the Voice of God, from His Love and harm those I care about, my selfishness consumes me, my pride rules my heart! In the solitude of my heart I hear the voice of My Savior, bringing words of comfort, of love and encouragement. Reminding me always, I am a child of The Father, who is a constant in our life, in my life. He sees the struggle and understands my pain and waits patiently like our earthly father to ask for help, to ask for guidance. I have only to ask.

As the world grows in darkness and sin, we are moved by the love of the Holy Spirit to a life of prayer, praying and lifting one another up, offering our love, heart and soul to our Heavenly Father. Finding a place in my heart to find the courage to forgive, to love, to be less in love with the materialistic, the things of the world and more tuned to the things of God
Perfection I am not, struggle as I may, it will never happen. But I can find it in my heart to be less harsh with those I love, those I know. To be forgiving of the small slights I may feel from those around me, helping me to forgive the bigger things and in turn people forgiving me, because, yes, at times, many time I need it more then most!

Pray for the world, pray for yourself, pray for those you love and yes, pray for those you dislike and may even hate, pray for peace in our world, for our leaders, for the poor and oppressed!
We are all in need of prayer and in need of Gods Mercy!

“What makes people hypocrites? They disguise themselves, they disguise themselves as good people: they make themselves up like little holy cards, looking up at heaven as they pray, making sure they are seen—they believe they are more righteous than others, they despise others. ‘Mah,’ they say, “I’m very Catholic, because my uncle was a great benefactor, my family is this, I’m that… I’ve learned… I know this bishop, this Cardinal, this priest… I am this or that…’ They think they are better than others. This is hypocrisy. The Lord says, ‘No, not that.’ No one is justified by himself. We all need to be justified. And the only one who justifies us is Jesus Christ.“ Pope Francis

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Most of us never really contemplate death….especially when we’re young…it happens to friends, to distant relatives. As we get older we see death closer, it touches our lifes.

On May 25 my sister Polly died. She had been battling colon cancer for about 4 and half years…she fought a brave battle, but in the end, she couldn’t win.

Death is a un welcomed friend to us all….eventually it comes for us.
I saw my mother die and though her death was not by all means peaceful, she did not suffer. On the other hand Polly suffered much…thru chemo treatments and personal struggles…disappointments.
It was at times difficult to watch her….she’d always been active, always doing something…working in her garden, her home, her family and little by little, it all came to a grinding halt.

I wonder thru the days as if in a daze…I see things, I read something…I get an email and my first thought, I have to send this to Polly and then it hits me, Polly isn’t here anymore. I push my cart thru the grocery store and I think of all the family get togethers she planned…saying, we need to make
memories, “I want to leave behind good memories for everyone”…..and she did…I drive thru my little town square and remember the many trips we walked around, shopping in the antique stores, the clothing boutiques…and always, always stopping off to eat lunch. We loved to eat…it was a sister thing….when we got together we ate!

It feels like a piece of my heart has been torn out…I miss my sister so much….and though people say they understand, they really don’t.
Your parents grow old and they die…but they’ve lived a good life, they’ve left you with years and years of memories…you lose a friend and you feel
the tug in your heart….you lose your partner…and you miss the things you shared…the places you visited…the many nights you laid together in bed…making love, holding each other, reading, trips and on and on…but as the months go by and the years go by….you move on…you find companionship in other people you may even find another partner to share your life with….but when you lose a sibling…no one can replace them…there’s a bond that is as strong as the bond of a parent and child…you can’t replace your children either…I will never have another sister like Polly….I will never be able to sit across from her and listen to her voice, her stories…I will never hear her
say, “I love you sister”….or the simple questions…”lupe you wanna go get some lunch?” I will never have the chance to feel the warmth of her hugs.

Everyone tells me, time will help…and I want to believe that..
I want to go back to 5 years ago and start all over again….before the cancer…before time ran out and I want to do all the things we talked
about doing…I Just want to go back…but I know I can’t….

So, until the time comes where my heart will not feel like its breaking….
I will remember all those memories we made…in between tears
and laugther, the memories will sustain me…

If you have siblings, take the time to get to know them….spend time
with them…and tell them you love them….tell all the people you
know….all the people close to your heart…tell them what they mean,
how much you love them…because death comes knocking when you
least expect it….you never know how much a person means to you
until they are gone…


Hello world!

My first blog…what did I think I would tell people…the world?
Who cares about what I think, or what I feel…if no one cares
in real life, why would strangers care?

It’s been a couple of years since I started this….I’m back…
lets see if this time, it’s more productive!

Welcome Back….sit a spell.

Happy blogging!