Braid your sadness…

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hyACyfDE8Eg

One of my Facebook friends shared the words to this…

It’a a beautiful poem….my Spanish sucks, so I couldn’t begin to translate it and do it Justice.

Have been growing my hair for two years, in recent months, I have started braiding my hair….it keeps it out of my face…it keeps me not looking so haggard and old…and it’s just an easy fix to all those bad hair days one has when sporting long hair.

It’s been years since I’d had long hair….I let it grow out about shoulder length a few years back….to do something different….and to see what a 50 something year old woman, soon approaching 60 would look like with long hair…..and men like women with long hair…to, imagine a man pulling my hair and face toward him and filling my face with sweet passionate kisses, like in the movies! LOL….it never happened…but it was a nice fantasy.
When I was a kid in first grade, I went to school with hair down to my ass…in braids my mother would wrap it with ribbons and bows to match the dresses I wore….that hair didn’t last long, as I caught a bad case of lice….and it was soon cropped off by the neighbor girl who was going to beauty school….I was an experiment!

Thoughtout the rest of my school years my hair was short and when Twiggy hit the stage, I wore my hair cutting it just like hers…with long false eyelashes….Twiggy and I had one thing in common, skinny legs!!!

As my sister began her chemo treatments, and started to lose her hair, I felt bad for her….and I made her some headscarfs, and knitted caps for her to wear….
It must be devastating as a woman to lose your hair….my sister had worn her long for much of her life….and as the chemo treatments took a toll on her body, they took a tool on her hair also…finally deciding to cut it short….
So, I decided I would let mine grow, so I could donate it to Locks of Love….
I regretted not telling her why I was letting my hair grow as she was losing hers….because one day she made a comment that struck me…and realized what it must have meant to her….but…I didn’t want to sound like I was making an exucse, so kept quiet…..I’m still waiting for the required 12 inches…and because I’d like to keep it at least shoulder length for a while…I’m thinking two more years of growth will do…

Hair says so much about us….it is our “crown”…..we wear it proudly, primp it constantly….spend millions on it…abuse it with chemicals…care for it with holistic non shampoo ingredients. Sometimes our hair defines us…
Men hide under hair pieces and women even more….some of us, hide the gray and straighten out the curls….

Braiding my hair in recent months has been a kind of therapeutic thing….sitting on the edge of my bed….pulling strands and folding one on top of another….a plain braid, a French braid….especially as I come out of the shower…hair wet and smelling clean….or letting it dry…and the softness and thickness of my hair in between my fingers, tugging at it to make the braid tighter….undoing those braids a couple of days latter and suddenly this straight and course hairs is full of gentle curling waves cascading down like a waterfall…..

Little had I realized what I was doing as I braided my hair….that I was braiding my sorrows…my sadness..the pain is trapped in the folds of the braid…and cannot escape to the rest of the body…it’s a wonderful thought…and like so many old Spanish sayings, customs…this is another I will remember….

Trenzaré mi tristeza…

Decía mi abuela que cuando una mujer se sintiera triste lo mejor que podía hacer era trenzarse el cabello; de esta manera el dolor quedaría atrapado entre los cabellos y no podría llegar hasta el resto del cuerpo; había que tener cuidado de que la tristeza no se metiera en los ojos pues los haría llover, tampoco era bueno dejarla entrar en nuestros labios pues los obligaría a decir cosas que no eran ciertas, que no se meta entre tus manos- me decía- porque puedes tostar de más el café o dejar cruda la masa; y es que a la tristeza le gusta el sabor amargo. Cuando te sientas triste niña, trénzate el cabello; atrapa el dolor en la madeja y déjalo escapar cuando el viento del norte pegue con fuerza.

Nuestro cabello es una red capaz de atraparlo todo, es fuerte como las raíces del ahuehuete y suave como la espuma del atole.

Que no te agarre desprevenida la melancolía mi niña, aun si tienes el corazón roto o los huesos fríos por alguna ausencia. No la dejes meterse en ti con tu cabello suelto, porque fluirá en cascada por los canales que la luna ha trazado entre tu cuerpo. Trenza tu tristeza, decía, siempre trenza tu tristeza…

Y mañana que despiertes con el canto del gorrión la encontrarás pálida y desvanecida entre el telar de tu cabello.

Texto: de Paola Klug.

Maravilloso y profundo escrito… lo comparto con todas mis hermanas alrededor del mundo.♚

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Music

Music is the voice that brings people together! There’s all kinds of studies showing what music does to the human spirit, the mind.
I love music! From the memories of my parents singing at home. To my Moms screechy voice singing responsorial psalms at church to praises in song to The Blessed Mother. My moms radio playing Mexican ranchera music or in the evening listening to the big Mexican radio stations broadcasting music into Texas airwaves!

In high-school I was in the Choir, Mrs. Reagan…bless her heart. She let me stay, though I was always out of tune!

Music has lighten my heart in times of pain, made me angry listening about cheating men and women…and made me laugh at the gift of watching people two-stepping to a great country tune, or a beautiful waltz.

At one time I learned a few cords on a guitar but not having a guitar, it never went anywhere! Latter, somebody brought home a guitar and it’s set around collecting dust. I got strings and restrung it and tried my hand at it, but again, it went nowhere!
A year or two ago I saw a website and read that a ukulele was the easiest instrument to play. So the thought rolled around in the head. Whenever I could I’d go back and check it out and I even looked around for a Uk. But again it went nowhere. Until a few months ago I decided I was getting old! I needed to learn to play an instrument, at least one song…so when my fingers no longer worked or I can’t here or see, I can have a memory and the satisfaction to have been musically inclined for a little while!

This ukulele is different, just like me!
It’s got the music hole on the side, it’s a beautiful light wood! And there’s something extraordinarily special about it. I can’t share that today..
Like a window to our soul, our eyes see so much, good bad, ugly. Beautiful.

Our ears let us hear the rustle of leaves as the winds picks them up and sends them flying. We hear the sound of falling rain, the loud explosions of fireworks, or the loud explosions of bombs and gunfire In The distance.
We hear the voices and laughter of those we love and care about. The whispered words of sweet-nothings in the darkness as we give into each others love and longings. We hear the voice of anger or encouragement and the voices when we lift our sorrows and sufferings up in prayer!

Music, it moves our soul, our spirit. It touches our hearts and calms our weary mind!

From Vivaldi to Elvis to Kiss. Our senses are moved by a beat, a rhythm, a word, the sounds escaping instruments in the hands of gifted musicians, singers and even not so gifted.

Music, the prayer God loves the most!

 

Three Things to be grateful for

Day 5

Sometimes Facebook is a great thing…for one, you get to keep up with all your friends and relatives, especially if you have friends or relatives you’d rather not really have contact with in person or too often…I know, it’s a horrible to thing to say…but admit it, it’s true, there are some people we’d rather have as little to do with as possible!

Six days ago someone tagged me on a post…a game…the purpose was to write down three things you were grateful for for five days and then tag three people to continue the game…I was tagged by someone I’ve never personally met, but we share one interest, Glass…beadmaking…or Lampworking…

Okay, it’s easy, three things your grateful for…well, maybe not so easy…because you don’t want to be grateful for your comfy bed…though you are…so grateful for the things that make life better….I guess.  And the tagging didn’t go well at all…of the 12 people I tagged in 4 days, only one person decided to play…a niece…so on the last day, I thought, the hell with the tagging…and did my grateful…only I decided that I would just do one…because I was going to write a few things about this person….You know life is encompassed by people…your family especially…parents, siblings and if your lucky, or maybe not so lucky, you’ll have a bus load of cousins to live in your life…I didn’t have that…nor aunts or uncles, or grandparents…they lived a distance from us and we didn’t have the means or transportation to be taking visits…which was okay by us…we had each other, and we had friends…so you didn’t know what you were missing because you didn’t know these people….
So in trying to think of what I was grateful for I decided on Ben….my spouse…only because occasionally he feels left out of my tirades and whatever else I write on Facebook or where ever I write things down on….so…in the spirit of sharing…here ya go…

I’ve spent the last five days writing down three things I am grateful for! It’s not been as easy as I thought it would be! Writing down what your grateful for, without being trite! And only one m,m,,m,, person took me up after being tagged!

Thank you Yvonne Maldonado Costello for doing this. I will remember your loving heart and peaceful soul for as long as I have breath! God Bless You!

Today I am grateful for

Ben.

After 40 something years and after finding me standing by the jukebox in my pretty pink dress at Big G’s in Round Rock in 1965…we are still together! Ha! It hasn’t always been pretty, good or perfect, neither of is perfect, unlike ‘other’ people we know! LOL!!! But we produced 4 gorgeous beautiful smart and meaner then hell kids (just like their dad) and we have some beautiful granddaughters, a handsome grandson and even a couple of great grand kids! I know, I’m too young! Ha! And it wasn’t like much of a choice…if I had, I’d sewed up those girls and not taken out the stitches until they were 40…

We aren’t rich, we don’t live in a mansion, my housekeeping skills suck, I’m not a stickler for make-up and fancy dresses, and I’m most likely to get a set of pots for our anniversary then a pair of diamond earrings. If I get anything at all….but that’s because I lose/misplace earrings like I lose change and I look better in the kitchen making a pot of beans then wearing diamonds and pearls! We have fun, we share a few interests, but we give each other space, so that we aren’t on each other’s throats. Bens always supported, financially and emotionally, all my crafty ideas! Never complaining when a new pile of fabric, glass, or whatever it was that struck my fancy and head! He taught me to change a flat, change my oil, though I’ve never done that, but if I had too, I could! He’ says, so you don’t have to rely on anyone ever! An I don’t! It’s difficult giving each other independence, because one day you could wake up and find out you no longer need each other! But, we’ve managed.

When the world is mad at us, we say, the hell with you too! We have each other, our kids, our little family and we’re content!

Never caring too much for what people say or think we’ve danced to the beat of a distant and different drummer! Though, to the chagrin of many, I have taught Ben that! Life is too short, to sweet to waste it on inconsequential things or people. I think we’ve taught our kids the same. Independence, self reliance, and love and respect for God.

It’s been fun, it’s been a struggle, it’s been ugly, but that’s what life is like. The true measure of a person is how you get up, dust the dirt off your hands and carry on, without dragging all the garbage of life on your back everyday till you die.

I had three things to chose, but I only picked one…because it encompasses most everything that has been most of my adult life.

I can’t say that tomorrow I won’t wake up and say, screw this and run off to some distant land and live a different life! It’s an option! We all have options! It’s just deciding which are important, which are real. I can’t say that I’m totally fulfilled or living in happy land…but we all make life what it is….maybe someday, I’ll just not only learn to be grateful but appreciate things much more…right now…I’m looking for something that’s not got tentacles and binds me or controls me or stagnates my imagination, my self discovery…hell, it could be in the back yard, alone side the fence…but I ain’t wanted to walk back there and step on dog shit…or get bite by mosquitoes or chiggers…

life is a discovery….a journey…and I’m swimming without my life vest…and fighting off the sharks….but in the meantime….

We are definitely way beyond perfect, especially me! But, I live my life expecting very little from anyone, it’s a recipe for disappointment…and I’ve always told Ben, a lesson he took years to learn, don’t ever do anything for anyone expecting something back in return, even a thank you! In the in, it is only God whom we have to worry about and he will repay our works or lack of…..Though lately, he’s been relearning that!
Of course we all want to be appreciated, and we want praise from those who we do things for…but that lead
to expectations and then those expectations lead to disappointments…
There were times, when I thought of murder, but the idea of dingy prison whites and waiting on death row, quickly changed my mind…HA!
We don’t live in church. But we believe and God is never far from our hearts, our minds.

Life is a gift. And for all that I have, all that I am, all those that I know, all those whom I love, for whom and things I yearn for, the good and the difficult, I am eternally grateful! Grateful, yes sir, eternally grateful indeed!

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Calvin and Hobbes.

 

 

 

 

One of my nieces posted this up earlier on Facebook…sitting in bed reading it, I started to cry…sobs of emotions just poured out…I don’t often
get too emotional about things I read…but this really hit me.

Maybe it’s dealing with the recent death of my sister…I
know that it takes time to get over…or get passed a loved one’s death…
There’s this empty piece missing…I was trying to remember something the other
day and I thought, Polly knows…and then it hit me, Polly isn’t here.

And I guess, it’s compounded by the thought that I might lose one of my
best friends…maybe my best friend, sometimes, my only friend. I couldn’t
figure out how to deal with those two emotions and reading the story, just
brought it all out…

life isn’t fair…that keeps churning around my head…I’ve always hated
saying that, “It isn’t fair” because saying it made me a victim and I didn’t
want to be a victim…of anything or anyone. I like taking
responsibility for the things I do, the things I say…if I fail at
something, I admit it…if I screw up, I own up to it…so it really
bothers me whenever people feel sorry for me…I don’t like it…
But today, I just kept thinking, it’s not fair, it’s not fair.

I’ve lived this complicated sort of life…I think from the moment I
was born…so all the things that have happened all the things I’ve seen,
experienced. I like to believe that those things, have made me a little better
person then I would have been if I had not had those experiences…
I certainly have learned what the word empathy means…I’ve learned
humility…I know what being poor is…living in a house where you
could see daylight streaming thru the slats of wood…the creature
comforts of home, were not available, and I feel guilty many times
because I take those things for granted now. I’ve moved from living
in abject poverty, to an upper middle class to middle class life…
it’s pretty amazing. I am proud of my life, my story.

Of course I’m not always proud of the some of the things I’ve done…but my life, It truly has made me who I am today. It’s been pretty amazing.

Losing those we love, either because of death or moving on..can
be a traumatic experience. It jolts your senses, hits you in the
gut, takes your heart and crumbles it into a million pieces…wounds
your soul. It isn’t fair!

Watching my sister dying was one of those moments that stays with you
forever…I’d only seen two other people die before…and it was
painfully sad..I wasn’t there when Polly took her last breath,
but I remember watching as her heart slowed down, little by little.
Her granddaughters had gathered some found objects at the Hospice
she was staying in…they fashioned two small crosses from sticks of
wood, they found a cross in their moms bag and a couple  of pretty
rocks…one of them was placed on her heart, it wasn’t done
intentionally, but it was there…and as Polly’s life slowly
ebbed away, you could tell by the movement of the rocks…
When we were kids, we lived by a creek…just a few hundred yards
from out house…and every time it rained, we would run to the edge
of the creek and start lining up rock to watch the water move up…
we lived on a rise, and my dad knew how far the water usually rose,
and so we had never been in any danger of being flooded away…
but we’d sit and watch as the turbulent water rushed down that creek
and as it rushed down the creek rose, washing away our markers…
Our dad would stand next to us, keeping us far away from any danger
but close enough that we could see as the water washed and covered
up our neatly lined rocks…our flood markers.
So it was with Polly…those little rocks made us aware of
her slowing heart beat…as her heart fluttered and pumped
life saving blood to her body, the small rocks would flutter also…
it was an amazing thing to watch…I would sit mesmerized by
Polly’s beating heart…You never see a person’s heart beating…
You may lay on a person chest, and hear or feel the thump, thump…or maybe
catch a pulsating vein…

Life takes away so many things, so many people, some of whom are too
young…some of whom we’ve just only have begun to know, to love
or we’ve loved for years…and we aren’t ready to let them go.
And not just to death, but to whatever the world has planned…
I loved my sister…I was not ready to let her go…
I have loved someone for so many years that they have become a part
of my being…and I am not ready to say goodbye…I can’t..it’s too soon.
When your heart feels like it is breaking and you don’t know what
to do…what happens then…WHAT?

It isn’t fair!

The Heart of the Woman

W. B. Yeats, 1865 – 1939

O what to me the little room
That was brimmed up with prayer and rest;
He bade me out into the gloom,
And my breast lies upon his breast.

O what to me my mother’s care,
The house where I was safe and warm;
The shadowy blossom of my hair
Will hide us from the bitter storm.

O hiding hair and dewy eyes,
I am no more with life and death,
My heart upon his warm heart lies,
My breath is mixed into his breath.

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FREEDOM

Maybe the heat got me, but after reading Mike Rowe’s Facebook Post, it angered me that people do this, even people that I know…I even do it myself. We vilify anyone who has an opinion different then ours…and
then we wonder what’s wrong with the country…And after all, aren’t we all in this together?
I really like Mike, he’s doing some great things….the article is below…

He has a point. Too many people, especially politicians and including the president would rather demonize their opponents then work for the American people, after all that’s who they represent. President Obama however many time he may prefer going at it alone, helps no one, maybe his big fat ego….but he doesn’t make the standard of living for the unemployed American any better. He picks social issues while important to certain segments of the country, though mostly important to his base and forgets about Joe smith and Juan Garcia or even, Debbie White who are struggling to make ends meet pay their mortgage and educate their kids…these folks like millions of Americans don’t lose sleep over the pill, some endangered mouse in New Mexico, they have more important things to worry about! Losing good paying jobs that go over seas or to illegal immigrants who will work for less.
Schools are graduating Ill prepared kids, who can’t read , write or have simple check balancing skills.
It’s really sad that we have such a divided country and we demonize any good idea not because it wouldn’t work but because it came from a democrat or a republican.

Politicians including the president will never go without food, without seeing a good doctor or without a job, they will become multi millionaires sitting on the boards of big business, who helped them get elected, they will command speaking fees in the hundreds of thousands of dollars….do we honestly think or believe that these people will think about us, what their policies and laws have done to us, to the country. Will they lament their bad decisions? Of course not…they will continue to amass great fortunes on the backs of the people they’ve over taxed, jobs they sent over seas or jobs they’ve shut down to appease someone somewhere who reminded them, remember all the money I donated!

Americans no longer hold politicians accountable, and after giving them so much power, these same politicians can lift a finger and the IRS, Homeland security, the EPA, they’ll be on your back like a vulture on a dead deer! They will label you an enemy of the state, a homegrown terrorist, a religious terrorist….UnAmerican, a homophobe, anti woman…A government that can threaten ordinary citizens is no longer a government of the people, by the people, it is a tyrannical entity that will grow power to squash descent and destroy freedoms. We have fed the beast, and continue to feed it, every time we shut down our neighbor, our friend, our family, because their opinion is different then ours! Civil discourse, is the norm. We have a press that is suppose to stand in between us and the government, reporting the law breakers and corruption, instead they have joined the politicians, they have become an arm of the government, demonizing anyone who speaks out.
Again we say nothing! We have no power, our voices are muted, either in fear or in submission, or complicit in the act of subversion against ones citizens, ones neighbors.

The saying, “It is better to die on ones feet then to die on ones knees”, resonates today as loudly as it did when Emiliano Zapata spoke those words….FREEDOM….it is the rallying cry for millions of people all over the world. But like us, they waited too long, thinking, our government, our politicians our leaders will never do that! Give someone enough power and they will do anything, try and take it away and they kill you.

Like everyone who inhabits this planet, we are not a perfect people, we are not a perfect world. We all struggle in someway, our journey in this life is not always easy, and we all strive for the basic needs, food shelter, happiness, peace, for our selfs but also and most importantly for our children.
If I had a crystal ball, I could say, this is crazy what I say, but history has shown us the road we take is not always good, and the leaders we trust do not always seek the same things we do. Life would grant me the greatest gift to never see these horrors occur, but we must always be vigilant…as my mother in law would say, el diablo nunca muere! Like a thief in the night, he comes while we sleep to rob of us possessions. Freedom is too important for the thief’s who encircle our days, they dole it out to whom they see fit to whomever they think worthy. Freedom is a precious gift.

Freedom is to be guarded with Eternal vigilance.
X___________________________________________________________________________X

[Bob Reidel: “Mike – Saw you hangin with Bill Maher. I had no idea you were a liberal. Really blew me away. Love everything you do but now that I know who you really are, I won’t be tuning in to watch anything your involved with.”]

Well, hi there, Bob. How’s it going? Since your comment is not the only one of its kind, I thought I’d take a moment to address it.

Bill Maher is opinionated, polarizing and controversial. I get it. So is Bill O’Reilly, which is probably why I heard the same comments after I did his show. (“How could you Mike? How could you?”)

Truth is, every time I go on Fox, my liberal friends squeal. And every time I show up on MSNBC, my conservative pals whine. Not because they disagree with my position – everyone agrees that closing the skills gap is something that needs to happen. No, these days, people get bent simply if I appear on shows they don’t like, or sit too close to people they don’t care for.

What’s up with that? Is our country so divided that my mere proximity to the “other side” prompts otherwise sensible adults to scoop up their marbles and go home?

Back in 2008, I wrote an open letter to President Obama, offering to help him promote those 3 million “shovel-ready” jobs he promised to create during his campaign. (I suspected they might be a tough sell, given our country’s current relationship with the shovel.) Within hours, hundreds of conservatives accused me of “engaging with a socialist,” and threatened to stop watching Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe if I didn’t come to my senses.

When I made the same offer to Mitt Romney (who actually responded), thousands of liberals chastised me for “engaging with a greedy capitalist,” and threatened to stop watching Dirty Jobs if I didn’t take it back.

You may ask, “But what did these people think about the issue at hand?” Who knows? They were too busy being outraged by my proximity to the devil. (Poor Ed Shultz at MSNBC nearly burst into tears. “You were on the wrong stage, Mike! The wrong stage!! With the wrong candidate!!!”)

Oy.

Here’s the thing, Bob – Profoundly Disconnected (http://profoundlydisconnected.com/) is not a PR campaign for Mike Rowe. It’s a PR campaign for skilled labor and alternative education. PR campaigns need … that’s right, PR, and if I limit my appearances to those shows that I personally watch, hosted only by those personalities with whom I personally agree, I might as well start a church and preach to the choir.

Point is, I didn’t go on Real Time to endorse BM, and I didn’t go on The Factor to endorse BO. I went on because millions of people watch those shows. I approached our liberal president for the same reason. Likewise, his conservative opponent. And I showed up on Sesame Street with the same agenda that I took to Congress.

Closing the skills gap is bigger than you or me or any particular venue, and Real Time gave me an opportunity to reach 5 million people. I’m grateful for that, and I’ll do it again if they want me back.

As for Bill Maher off-camera, you’ll be pleased to know that the guy was a perfect gentleman. His staff is excellent, and his after-party included an open bar with a spread I’ve never seen in such a setting. Bill took the time to hang out with his guests and their friends after the show, chatting about this and that for over an hour, and taking pictures with anyone who wanted one. Trust me, that’s rare.

Priorties…

If as much energy went to the poor, the hungry, the bad schools and stupid kids they’re churning out, if as much energy went to make the world just a little better place, even if it’s the town, village, city, or city block we all live in…if as much energy went into electing people who’s only agenda is the American people, helping them to prosper, keep jobs in America, instead of helping out the big business, banks, wallstreet, rich industrialists who got you elected, if as much energy was spent on being less selfish and and less self absorbed and wanting Uncle Sam to pimp us out for whatever Uncle Sam thinks would be the next grandiose idea to make government supreme…if enough people used a little more of their brain instead of their emotions, imagine how much better our world would be…

Stopping to listen to the hate and the misinformation and
just stupid things that are coming out, I’m thinking…
The Middle East is on Fire, there’s crazy men, who are way fucking worse then the Catholic Chruch, The Greens, and Bubba and God yes, even worse then the Supreme Court…..
Men, who’d stone my ass if I spoke I way I did, dressed the way I do, walked to the corner 7-11 by myself…
or just stoned my Mexican ass for being a woman…an animal is worth more then the life of a female…..Millions of Americans don’t have jobs, millions more are on foodstamps, millions of our fellow citizens are going to bed tonight wondering if they’ll have a home tomorrow, if they’ll have enough food to feed their kids, millions of people are homeless, thousands of kids are living on the streets, hundreds of thousand of people are coming across our borders looking for a better life, or a handout, depending on who your talking too…the list is endless…

But while the world is in chaos…our country is going down the toilet, thanks to Republicans and Democrats and people who don’t vote, don’t care and don’t appreciate all that we have, fanatics are complaining about a “pill”!
America is not the perfect place, it’s not utopia, because utopia does not exist, no matter how much the progressives would like to make it sound so…it doesn’t….there is not a place in this planet that is perfect….
Some people want us to be like China, or Venzeuala, or Cuba: Cuba, who’s got the best health care system in the universe, HA!! I’m always of the opinion, when I hear that….go live there for a few months, criticize and complain and when things get a little rough, then see what happens…
But, no today and for the next several months, or until the election all we will hear is how 5 men took away the reproductive rights of women, women will no longer be able to have access to birth-control pills…to abortion inducing medication…..Margaret Sanger must be having fits in hell…
Oh yes, we have so much to complain about today….the worlds going to end, because we can’t get our pills…and now the worlds going to be overpopulated, well, more then it already is…poor, poor us…woe is me!…woe is me!!!!
I go to the grocery store, and buy a 5 dollar ticket to feed the hungry, it isn’t much, but if you knew how often I go to the grocery store, it adds up….and I try to be gentler and kinder person when I’m around people even the people who don’t like me, either because they know me and think I think, I’m better….those people that never grew up in 7th grade, or the people who look at me, and think I’m one of those nasty fucking diseased ridden illegal aliens living off their hard earned paycheck…

It’s hard to imagine living in suburbia, surrounded by the creature comforts of upper middle class extravagance, or living in the West or East Coast where, or wherever the fair and minded folks live, and where hearts not only bleed liberalism but breeds envy, and a plethora of lets make the little people feel like they’re not being treated fairly…everyone has to be fair…except for me, who is way beyond living on a fixed income and eating chopped ham for dinner and washing it down with kool aide…and while we’re at it, lets provide them with birth-control so they don’t breed like rabbits…they take up too much space, eat up too many resources and cling to their religion and their guns…

When I hear the hyperbole this is what I see…what I imagine…someone, someone’s always trying to control someone else, in the guise of a better life…My neighbor growing up had 17 kids, and most of the folks I lived around, had more then 4 kids, we were, by those standards, orphans…but, those parents, they always had plenty of food on the table, and there was even enough for me, when I invited myself over to dinner…There was not government handouts….people worked hard, fed, clothed and schooled their kids…My own Father-n-law and Mother-n-law had 10 kids and they worked their butts off, there were hard time for them…but they managed to raise some pretty good kids, who have grown up with a great work ethic, who have never stood in line waiting for someone to give them something…I think, We’ve done the same with our kids…they certainly work damn hard…
So listening to all the crap I’ve heard, from both sides, I’m just amazed at realizing how fucking lucky we are and how fucking stupid some people are….
you think the women who were kidnapped a few months ago, or the women who are buried up to their necks and stoned to death or the women who are beat up out on a public sidewalk ever think, well, fuck me, I just won’t be able to get my pills this month or I had unprotected sex last night and need a quick fix pill….Do they they bemoan the paternalistic and patriarchal society into which they were born into while they’re being brutalized, doused with acid, maybe having a clitorectomy…
Nah, I don’t think so.

Our priorities sure are screwed up.

Sunsets

I took a walk around the square this evening. My form of exercise! There was a beautiful sunset, not the orange and red hues we’re accustomed too, or maybe that came latter, after I got home, but what I saw was pretty spectacular!

It was a kind of a cloudy evening, rain clouds to the north and west and peeking threw all this were rays of sunshine, clouds in different hues of blue. There was a even the slightest little strip of baby blue, that made me smile! Dark blue to black clouds, gray clouds, white ones too. And that little strip of baby blue!
Different shapes, like an angry artist had thrown buckets of whatever paint was closest to him! Just flung them across this little section of the sky to produce this beautiful scene.
The rays of sunlight streaming from the high heavens to give the artist light.

As I walked further toward the square, looking at the opening in this formation I kept waiting for the return of Jesus! My vivid imagination, Jesus in eye blaring white, descending from the heavens! I laughed and thought, God must be laughing at me right about now!
Did you know, that at one time, there was this big discussion among theologians on whether Christ ever laughed! I read that somewhere, don’t know if it was true, but it sounds plausible. Men can sometimes come up with the stupidest notions and they think women are weird! HA!
Well, back to the clouds, there was no Jesus…so then I thought, maybe a spaceship! Why not? It’s my imagination, my story!

It was a lovely sunset, gave me time to think of my sister. Wondering if she could see me walking? Does God allow a soul to peer thru a window into the life and people it left behind? I don’t know, no one else does either. I would on occasions of my walks to the square would call Polly to see what she was doing, latter, to see how she was doing. We would plan our next lunch or shopping expedition. And for a split second, I thought about calling her, and then I remembered, I couldn’t.

We take so many things for granted. Sunsets, people. I thought of the few times Polly felt like she was all alone, people wouldn’t call or visit, and she write about it and post to her wall. I was one of those people. I have this thing, I hate bothering people. And I hated bothering her, especially on the week of chemo when she felt horrible. Of course, rarely did she complain, she took your call and talked or listened and after a while you I could here in her voice how tired she was, and I’d say goodbye and I love you.

We do take life for granted! It’s a gift, a once in a lifetime gift. Like the sunsets. Tomorrow, a more beautiful sunset could happen, and I can ooh and ahhh. But those sunsets end when we take our lady breath. The people we love, the people we dislike, maybe even hate, the best of our friends, our family, the few we love and give our hearts too, their life’s like a beautiful sunset fades slowly into the horizon, leaving memories, wonderful loving memories.

People miss you Polly Herrera, I miss you! I love you sister! I hope there are sunsets in heaven! And if there’s a window from which you can see us, wave at me sometimes! So I know your there, cause it sure is empty here without you!

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