Some days, it just doesn’t pay to wake up or to be nice!

Fair: 1.
in accordance with the rules or standards; legitimate.
“the group has achieved fair and equal representation for all its members”
synonyms: just, equitable, honest, upright, honorable, trustworthy; More
antonyms: unjust, biased
just or appropriate in the circumstances.

It seems that ever so often I get a lesson in what fair is. Today’s been one of those days. Ever get up with the best of intentions on your mind? And then someone throws a grenade in your parade.  Sometimes, I wish I had a heart of stone.  I wish, I didn’t care, I wish, I fucking wish I could die! Because life just isn’t fucking fair!

A glass of wine, that always makes thing fair!



I’m Crazy

Remember the song, Crazy, sung by Patsy Cline?

I’m crazy for loving you! Maybe we give men the power to use the word, crazy.

I’ve fallen into the bad habit of calling myself crazy….when I have an outburst of emotions; good, bad…”I’m crazy ” I’m feeling crazy, I’m having a crazy moment. I say.
No, I’m not crazy. I’m angry. Angry does not make you crazy, well unless you start throwing things.
I’m upset, not crazy. I feel insecure, I’m not crazy. I’m afraid, I’m not crazy! My feelings are hurt, I’m not crazy. You hurt me, I’m not crazy. I’m tired, I’m not crazy.

Anytime, I have some emotional outburst, I’m crazy. No. I am not crazy.
I’m just an emotional woman. Sometimes I cry because, I’m sad, I’m tired, or I’m happy. Sometimes, I just don’t know why I have an emotional outburst.
Sometimes I just hold everything in and one word, one small unintended action can cause me to lose it and just burst out in tears. But, I am not crazy.

I’m tired of being labeled, crazy! When you catch someone in a lie, they tell you, your crazy! When someone defends their behavior, by turning the argument against you and the first words that come out, “your fucking crazy”….your having a crazy episode, your one crazy bitch”

People are so quick to define you, to keep from being honest about their actions and behavior.
Maybe the thing that bothers me most….is that these are people whom you love and people that tell you they love you.

I not crazy. I’m just tired.
How does one find a place that doesn’t exist, never has, and never will.
I’ve lived most of my life with few rules. One of them, don’t ever do anything for someone expecting something in return. Whatever you may do, for anyone….never expect anything in return, not even a thank you.
And lately, the giving jar has been running really low….and I need it filled…and maybe I need a little validation. Maybe that’s asking too much.
What am I. Who am I. What do I mean in life, in your life?

I’m not crazy. I just love life and you.