Robert Plant.

I did not know who Robert Plant was…until a Texas Monthly article popped up on my Facebook Page…so of course I googled and Wikipedia gave me information I needed…and this video….
I’m sorry, I knew the band, but not the band memebers…
Anyways….some music to share…because music is a language everyone can understand.

Life

Life is an amazing gift….Of course it sounds cliche…but, and you don’t even have to think about it…life is amazing.
Even when the poop hits the fan and your down to your last friend or dollar…there is always something to make you smile, something to make say, DANG, AWWW…or a flower to smell, a Statue to stare at….

Years ago while going thur some really horrible things…I took up walking…
actually I took up running. It was a way to run away from my problems…from the cruel trick life had played on my family…but selfishly, myself.
I was walking at our local park…trying to figure out how to continue this life that had suddenly been turned upside down and I had no idea how to fix it…
Minding my own buisness, walking, thinking and suddenly I feel a wet spot on my forehead…I thought it was rain drop…so wiping away rain spot, I wiped away a big chunk of bird of poop! At first I was angry…and then I laughed, looked to the heavens and pointed my finger at God, and yelled, Okay, God, it isn’t funny….first, so and so shits on me and now you too…You must really hate me…What Have I Done to Offend You So Much?

I cried, and kept walking, the tears turned to laughter…and I was no longer so angry….because in the moment of my deepest dispare, I found something to laugh at….I try to remember that whenever something new comes along…something that seems to turn over my life…in the middle of life’s teaching moments…there is laughter.

Though sometimes, it seems overwhelming….Lately, I seem to have found a hole in which I buried myself up to my neck and have had a hard time digging out…Depression, saddness, lose, love, longings, dreams, the feeling of feeling like I don’t belong…not even in my own skin….

I found a piece of paper one of nightly walks recently, a page torn out from a book….”cheating wife”…..and I thought about the words…and I thought about my life and how we cheat ourselves out of things, happiness, joys,
love and so many other things…you don’t have to have an affair, you don’t have literally cheat…..but by living your life for people who have no appreciation, or gratitude, or emotional skin…is cheating oneself from happniness…from peace….from emotional health. We usually lie to ourselfs…about relationships, the thing our kids do, that we thought they’d never do…our spouses or siblings….our friends…like after 30 years finding out your best friend is secretly working for the CIA…..well, that doesn’t count, but, you see what I mean.

I guess, I’m hitting that time in my life, where I am just taking stock of my shelfs, and finding out, I’ve got a lot of stuff missing…or maybe I’m missing a lot of stuff….Have I put in more then I’ve gotten back, or have I been the one
taking and not returning…I tend to do that. I’m emotionally needy…I confess.!
I have to ask myself every morning, is this worth it? And every morning, the answer is, I don’t know. And I don’t know if I want to know….

I used to dream, that when I retired, I would travel….go to Europe, maybe just once, but it would be enough….I’m not a greedy person…I can be happy with little. We would travel…pack up the car and go across the country…and one day I woke up and found out that it was just all a dream….financially it can’t happen and Europe is out of the question for other reasons….
So being a person of, lets find something else…I am content to travel thru the eyes of someone else…living vicariously off other peoples travels…and
on occasion, I gas up the truck and take a day trip….
I’ve done some traveling…I haven’t just traveled to my back yard…I’ve crossed oceans and have a stamped passport…even though it’s just for one country…it’s a place most people will never go too…so I’m blessed with that experience….I like to look for the silver lining in a sea of caca!

You know, people always ask you, ” how are you, tell me, whats going in your life’? And depending on who they are…you might share whatever
is happening, from the sob stories to the good things…theres always that
one person who you can confide in, or if not, at least someone who you can tell some of your problems too….and sometimes, you sit back and question, how much is too much…how much can you share without sounding like your totally not in control of your life…how much can you share, without sounding like the complaint department….Sometimes, people don’t want to know you sob stories…they just say that to be nice…because honestly….
when was the last time, you told your friends, as they sit to spill the beans, or tell you the horrible things they’ve been living thru….and you say, “you know what, I don’t really give a shit about whats going on in your life…I don’t want to know, I dont’ want to hear it….and if you were any kind of responsible human being…your life would be perfect…so shut=up and suck it up”……of course 99 percent of us would never say that…we might occasionally think it…but we sit and we listen and if we think we can, we offer advice…or a word of support and encouragment….
And I say this, because I find myself at this time in my life, with very few
people to confide in…..There are some secrets that you can only talke
to a few people…it’s not something to post up on Facebook and there’s more then 140 characters for Twitter…..

Yes, life is certainly interesting…from getting caught up in a spiraling downfall, to talking too much, to mourning, to anger, to dispear….to
feeling alone, to just wanting to throw in the towel and say, screw it….
it’s just not worth it anymore…how much do I have to settle for…
how much do I have to acquiesce too…

I don’t know….I feel like my soul is under attack…and the people
whom I thought loved and cared about me are the ones attacking it…
and the fear that brings sometimes is overwhelming….its like a slow
suffocating struggle…someone with their knees on my chest….
If you really care about someone, you don’t do that…Someone once
told me, when you think of doing something that is against everything you’ve ever been told…or if you want to lead someone to do something
against what they believe, it is like opening the door of hell and pushing them in…you begin one fire and before you know, it is out of control…
would you lead your kids to do wrong…of course not…

Yes, life is certainly an amazing gift…after all, we are giving one chance
at it…and when we give up control of our destiny…we veer off to a road which leads to some hellish things….even hell itself. I travel this
journey we call life, alone….occasionally someone stops to help… or we
reach out for a hand to help us…Someone once told me….Lupe you were born alone…you came of your mothers womb, traveled down that birth
canal and took your first breath of air all alone…why must you think you
need someone at every crossroad in your life…sometimes, our journey
has to be alone…sometimes, it is the saving grace…to travel that journey
alone..without anyone to share your troubles with…your joys, sadness,
disappointments…

Today, I begin that journey….Hoping that when it ends it will be worth it.
And the only Person whom, I can honestly say, that will listen and
not reproach me, or throw my words back at my face….that Person
is God…and I have to have faith that He does exist, that He waits
at the end of my journey….because there isn’t anyone else….I thought
there was..but in reality…everyone is too busy trying to figure their
own life….

Life it has its joys…it has its disappointments…but in the end it goes on…it goes on.

IMG_1658.JPG

Music

Music is the voice that brings people together! There’s all kinds of studies showing what music does to the human spirit, the mind.
I love music! From the memories of my parents singing at home. To my Moms screechy voice singing responsorial psalms at church to praises in song to The Blessed Mother. My moms radio playing Mexican ranchera music or in the evening listening to the big Mexican radio stations broadcasting music into Texas airwaves!

In high-school I was in the Choir, Mrs. Reagan…bless her heart. She let me stay, though I was always out of tune!

Music has lighten my heart in times of pain, made me angry listening about cheating men and women…and made me laugh at the gift of watching people two-stepping to a great country tune, or a beautiful waltz.

At one time I learned a few cords on a guitar but not having a guitar, it never went anywhere! Latter, somebody brought home a guitar and it’s set around collecting dust. I got strings and restrung it and tried my hand at it, but again, it went nowhere!
A year or two ago I saw a website and read that a ukulele was the easiest instrument to play. So the thought rolled around in the head. Whenever I could I’d go back and check it out and I even looked around for a Uk. But again it went nowhere. Until a few months ago I decided I was getting old! I needed to learn to play an instrument, at least one song…so when my fingers no longer worked or I can’t here or see, I can have a memory and the satisfaction to have been musically inclined for a little while!

This ukulele is different, just like me!
It’s got the music hole on the side, it’s a beautiful light wood! And there’s something extraordinarily special about it. I can’t share that today..
Like a window to our soul, our eyes see so much, good bad, ugly. Beautiful.

Our ears let us hear the rustle of leaves as the winds picks them up and sends them flying. We hear the sound of falling rain, the loud explosions of fireworks, or the loud explosions of bombs and gunfire In The distance.
We hear the voices and laughter of those we love and care about. The whispered words of sweet-nothings in the darkness as we give into each others love and longings. We hear the voice of anger or encouragement and the voices when we lift our sorrows and sufferings up in prayer!

Music, it moves our soul, our spirit. It touches our hearts and calms our weary mind!

From Vivaldi to Elvis to Kiss. Our senses are moved by a beat, a rhythm, a word, the sounds escaping instruments in the hands of gifted musicians, singers and even not so gifted.

Music, the prayer God loves the most!

 

Division…

Politics, everyone’s got an opinion…..like armchair quarter backs we play politicians at home…
if they did this, or that…if we nuked that country….took the money away from this country….our
opinions are as varied as the people who populate this land…
All manner of calamities are happening around the world and in our own backyards…
I’ve been a conservative since Ronald Reagan….on an assignment from our college professor, we
got in a group and researched both parties and people who were running at the time…I was already
leaning conservative, but…Hispanics voted Democrats…it was treasonous to change…and like
most things In my life, I decided that my voice was my voice and my vote was my vote and I didn’t
have to follow the crowd….always remembering my Dad…question everything…question everyone
that wants power over you….if they promise something, find out what you have to give up….so
I cast my vote for the next president of the united states, Ronald Reagan and I’ve been voting Republican
since then….

I watched a little of the presidents speech on the news…but because I dislike the man immensely, I waited
till someone wrote it down….and then I found the article which made made me want to write this….
I think we’re are all feeling frustrated and we don’t quite know exactly where to go…both parties
have failed us…and both parties are responsible for most of what’s happening in this country…but
the people most responsible are US….We keep sending these jackasses back to D.C. time after time…
It’s time we stopped that we sent principled men, if there are any left…men who believe in the
Constitution…who will vote for the people but not for some special interest…of course that’s a fantasy…
and I already have too many of those….

12:27am ·

If he hated this country so fucking much, hated all that we are, all that we stand for, then why swear, take an oath you didn’t believe, had no intention of following…
Doesn’t he realize that the very people that voted for him, put their trust in him, are the people most hurt by his policies, or lack of.
Fundamentally transforming America, sure…we got it, well, some of us did. Policies that hurt the poor, the working poor, policies that hurt minorities, especially African American kids, Hispanic kids.
The middle class, the thread that holds the country together is unraveling. People losing jobs. Time after time. He has pondered to the middle class, saying, I’m going, doing everything to protect the middle class. He’s done very little

At a time when he should be our cheerleader, he tears us apart. Instead of showing confidence and trust in America, he berates and belittles us!
“You didn’t build that”…if you run a small business, own a small business, have a couple of employees, do everything to be successful, do well by your employees, and you hear the president telling you this, what do you think, what do you do? Why bother, you could have added another job or two, but here’s some guy who’s never run a business, never even really worked in the private sector, telling you, you didn’t build that business, you make too much money, you need to be regulated even more and while I’m at it, let me read your emails, listen in on your phone conversations and if you speak out against me, let me stick the power of the IRS, the justice department, the EPA against you! The big hand of government to intimidate you!

He turns, or better yet, uses, race, class warfare against the citizens, pitting groups against another, races, gender….he ferments division! And smirks while doing it. He’s the big bully in the playground!
The world slides into hell and he plays golf, does fundraising, gives speeches, wags he’s skinny finger in your nose and smirks, he is indifferent to the sufferings of Americans, persecuted people around the globe. He doesn’t really care!
Unless there’s an election to win!

Maybe some people are happy with this, maybe it’s what they’ve wanted, but in destroying the rich, the big companies, you are destroying the everyday American who’s got a family a mortgage, a few bills, a family who struggles to give their kids a better life, a college education. You destroy the working opportunities for a single mom, a struggling senior, a person on their way up. Everyone, everyone suffers. Spreading that wealth around and eating the rich isn’t just destroying those very evil capitalist, it’s bringing down everyone else too. Maybe people think the government can better take care of us all…..right!

We aren’t perfect, not country, nor as individuals, we are all flawed, only because we are humans. But, when a natural disaster strikes, we band together, we pull up our sleeves, and we help each other out. The government can’t do that, never had, never will be able too
All that the government can do is make things worse….they have their place, but it is not in the everyday life’s of every American….remember why you moved out and left your parents!

It’s hard to be a successful kid, when you dad’s always harping on your ass! When he tells you your worthless, useless and a damn failure!
When he looks at you straight in the eye, wags his ski by finger at you and tells you, without me, you’d be shit! And then he decides to go and tell the world, what a worthless bastard you are!

That is what our president does! And he enjoys it! Gets a sense of superiority, a hard_on! It’s a poweful drug to belittle and destroy the people that you swore to protect and defend…and you never meant a single word! Never! —

via DW Ulsterman
He Did It AGAIN -Obama Apologizes For America To Roomful Of Dictators And Thugs (VIDEO)
Good God this man has no business representing our country.
ulstermanbooks.com

image

Three Things to be grateful for

Day 5

Sometimes Facebook is a great thing…for one, you get to keep up with all your friends and relatives, especially if you have friends or relatives you’d rather not really have contact with in person or too often…I know, it’s a horrible to thing to say…but admit it, it’s true, there are some people we’d rather have as little to do with as possible!

Six days ago someone tagged me on a post…a game…the purpose was to write down three things you were grateful for for five days and then tag three people to continue the game…I was tagged by someone I’ve never personally met, but we share one interest, Glass…beadmaking…or Lampworking…

Okay, it’s easy, three things your grateful for…well, maybe not so easy…because you don’t want to be grateful for your comfy bed…though you are…so grateful for the things that make life better….I guess.  And the tagging didn’t go well at all…of the 12 people I tagged in 4 days, only one person decided to play…a niece…so on the last day, I thought, the hell with the tagging…and did my grateful…only I decided that I would just do one…because I was going to write a few things about this person….You know life is encompassed by people…your family especially…parents, siblings and if your lucky, or maybe not so lucky, you’ll have a bus load of cousins to live in your life…I didn’t have that…nor aunts or uncles, or grandparents…they lived a distance from us and we didn’t have the means or transportation to be taking visits…which was okay by us…we had each other, and we had friends…so you didn’t know what you were missing because you didn’t know these people….
So in trying to think of what I was grateful for I decided on Ben….my spouse…only because occasionally he feels left out of my tirades and whatever else I write on Facebook or where ever I write things down on….so…in the spirit of sharing…here ya go…

I’ve spent the last five days writing down three things I am grateful for! It’s not been as easy as I thought it would be! Writing down what your grateful for, without being trite! And only one m,m,,m,, person took me up after being tagged!

Thank you Yvonne Maldonado Costello for doing this. I will remember your loving heart and peaceful soul for as long as I have breath! God Bless You!

Today I am grateful for

Ben.

After 40 something years and after finding me standing by the jukebox in my pretty pink dress at Big G’s in Round Rock in 1965…we are still together! Ha! It hasn’t always been pretty, good or perfect, neither of is perfect, unlike ‘other’ people we know! LOL!!! But we produced 4 gorgeous beautiful smart and meaner then hell kids (just like their dad) and we have some beautiful granddaughters, a handsome grandson and even a couple of great grand kids! I know, I’m too young! Ha! And it wasn’t like much of a choice…if I had, I’d sewed up those girls and not taken out the stitches until they were 40…

We aren’t rich, we don’t live in a mansion, my housekeeping skills suck, I’m not a stickler for make-up and fancy dresses, and I’m most likely to get a set of pots for our anniversary then a pair of diamond earrings. If I get anything at all….but that’s because I lose/misplace earrings like I lose change and I look better in the kitchen making a pot of beans then wearing diamonds and pearls! We have fun, we share a few interests, but we give each other space, so that we aren’t on each other’s throats. Bens always supported, financially and emotionally, all my crafty ideas! Never complaining when a new pile of fabric, glass, or whatever it was that struck my fancy and head! He taught me to change a flat, change my oil, though I’ve never done that, but if I had too, I could! He’ says, so you don’t have to rely on anyone ever! An I don’t! It’s difficult giving each other independence, because one day you could wake up and find out you no longer need each other! But, we’ve managed.

When the world is mad at us, we say, the hell with you too! We have each other, our kids, our little family and we’re content!

Never caring too much for what people say or think we’ve danced to the beat of a distant and different drummer! Though, to the chagrin of many, I have taught Ben that! Life is too short, to sweet to waste it on inconsequential things or people. I think we’ve taught our kids the same. Independence, self reliance, and love and respect for God.

It’s been fun, it’s been a struggle, it’s been ugly, but that’s what life is like. The true measure of a person is how you get up, dust the dirt off your hands and carry on, without dragging all the garbage of life on your back everyday till you die.

I had three things to chose, but I only picked one…because it encompasses most everything that has been most of my adult life.

I can’t say that tomorrow I won’t wake up and say, screw this and run off to some distant land and live a different life! It’s an option! We all have options! It’s just deciding which are important, which are real. I can’t say that I’m totally fulfilled or living in happy land…but we all make life what it is….maybe someday, I’ll just not only learn to be grateful but appreciate things much more…right now…I’m looking for something that’s not got tentacles and binds me or controls me or stagnates my imagination, my self discovery…hell, it could be in the back yard, alone side the fence…but I ain’t wanted to walk back there and step on dog shit…or get bite by mosquitoes or chiggers…

life is a discovery….a journey…and I’m swimming without my life vest…and fighting off the sharks….but in the meantime….

We are definitely way beyond perfect, especially me! But, I live my life expecting very little from anyone, it’s a recipe for disappointment…and I’ve always told Ben, a lesson he took years to learn, don’t ever do anything for anyone expecting something back in return, even a thank you! In the in, it is only God whom we have to worry about and he will repay our works or lack of…..Though lately, he’s been relearning that!
Of course we all want to be appreciated, and we want praise from those who we do things for…but that lead
to expectations and then those expectations lead to disappointments…
There were times, when I thought of murder, but the idea of dingy prison whites and waiting on death row, quickly changed my mind…HA!
We don’t live in church. But we believe and God is never far from our hearts, our minds.

Life is a gift. And for all that I have, all that I am, all those that I know, all those whom I love, for whom and things I yearn for, the good and the difficult, I am eternally grateful! Grateful, yes sir, eternally grateful indeed!

image