One of my nieces posted this up earlier on Facebook…sitting in bed reading it, I started to cry…sobs of emotions just poured out…I don’t often
get too emotional about things I read…but this really hit me.
Maybe it’s dealing with the recent death of my sister…I
know that it takes time to get over…or get passed a loved one’s death…
There’s this empty piece missing…I was trying to remember something the other
day and I thought, Polly knows…and then it hit me, Polly isn’t here.
And I guess, it’s compounded by the thought that I might lose one of my
best friends…maybe my best friend, sometimes, my only friend. I couldn’t
figure out how to deal with those two emotions and reading the story, just
brought it all out…
life isn’t fair…that keeps churning around my head…I’ve always hated
saying that, “It isn’t fair” because saying it made me a victim and I didn’t
want to be a victim…of anything or anyone. I like taking
responsibility for the things I do, the things I say…if I fail at
something, I admit it…if I screw up, I own up to it…so it really
bothers me whenever people feel sorry for me…I don’t like it…
But today, I just kept thinking, it’s not fair, it’s not fair.
I’ve lived this complicated sort of life…I think from the moment I
was born…so all the things that have happened all the things I’ve seen,
experienced. I like to believe that those things, have made me a little better
person then I would have been if I had not had those experiences…
I certainly have learned what the word empathy means…I’ve learned
humility…I know what being poor is…living in a house where you
could see daylight streaming thru the slats of wood…the creature
comforts of home, were not available, and I feel guilty many times
because I take those things for granted now. I’ve moved from living
in abject poverty, to an upper middle class to middle class life…
it’s pretty amazing. I am proud of my life, my story.
Of course I’m not always proud of the some of the things I’ve done…but my life, It truly has made me who I am today. It’s been pretty amazing.
Losing those we love, either because of death or moving on..can
be a traumatic experience. It jolts your senses, hits you in the
gut, takes your heart and crumbles it into a million pieces…wounds
your soul. It isn’t fair!
Watching my sister dying was one of those moments that stays with you
forever…I’d only seen two other people die before…and it was
painfully sad..I wasn’t there when Polly took her last breath,
but I remember watching as her heart slowed down, little by little.
Her granddaughters had gathered some found objects at the Hospice
she was staying in…they fashioned two small crosses from sticks of
wood, they found a cross in their moms bag and a couple of pretty
rocks…one of them was placed on her heart, it wasn’t done
intentionally, but it was there…and as Polly’s life slowly
ebbed away, you could tell by the movement of the rocks…
When we were kids, we lived by a creek…just a few hundred yards
from out house…and every time it rained, we would run to the edge
of the creek and start lining up rock to watch the water move up…
we lived on a rise, and my dad knew how far the water usually rose,
and so we had never been in any danger of being flooded away…
but we’d sit and watch as the turbulent water rushed down that creek
and as it rushed down the creek rose, washing away our markers…
Our dad would stand next to us, keeping us far away from any danger
but close enough that we could see as the water washed and covered
up our neatly lined rocks…our flood markers.
So it was with Polly…those little rocks made us aware of
her slowing heart beat…as her heart fluttered and pumped
life saving blood to her body, the small rocks would flutter also…
it was an amazing thing to watch…I would sit mesmerized by
Polly’s beating heart…You never see a person’s heart beating…
You may lay on a person chest, and hear or feel the thump, thump…or maybe
catch a pulsating vein…
Life takes away so many things, so many people, some of whom are too
young…some of whom we’ve just only have begun to know, to love
or we’ve loved for years…and we aren’t ready to let them go.
And not just to death, but to whatever the world has planned…
I loved my sister…I was not ready to let her go…
I have loved someone for so many years that they have become a part
of my being…and I am not ready to say goodbye…I can’t..it’s too soon.
When your heart feels like it is breaking and you don’t know what
to do…what happens then…WHAT?
It isn’t fair!
W. B. Yeats, 1865 – 1939
O what to me the little room
That was brimmed up with prayer and rest;
He bade me out into the gloom,
And my breast lies upon his breast.
O what to me my mother’s care,
The house where I was safe and warm;
The shadowy blossom of my hair
Will hide us from the bitter storm.
O hiding hair and dewy eyes,
I am no more with life and death,
My heart upon his warm heart lies,
My breath is mixed into his breath.
Surrounded by invisible walls…Prisoners of our own-making.
Maybe, just maybe, sometimes, it’s better to be sit behind the walls then
to step out into the world…after all what does the world offer?
Disappointment, lies, heartbreak, betrayal, temptations….
Would it be better to hide behind those walls we build…to not
ever know love, to not experience happiness…or, are those illusionary
things, just another fantasy…another lie, a lie so easily spoken, like
a breath we take, we say words we do not mean…
Imaginary words..like imaginary lifes, fantasies that weave thru our
head, but end up being empty promises, or promises never made,
Life is bittersweet, even in all it’s beauty, it gives and cruelly takes
away..snatching those we love, those we give our hearts too…
it takes in death, it takes it in lies, in words that were never meant,
in acts that were never felt…
Would it be better to fall asleep and dream forever…sweet
dreams of lovers arms, and magical sunsets, of things that
never were, illusions contrived…Would it be better to sleep
Maybe the heat got me, but after reading Mike Rowe’s Facebook Post, it angered me that people do this, even people that I know…I even do it myself. We vilify anyone who has an opinion different then ours…and
then we wonder what’s wrong with the country…And after all, aren’t we all in this together?
I really like Mike, he’s doing some great things….the article is below…
He has a point. Too many people, especially politicians and including the president would rather demonize their opponents then work for the American people, after all that’s who they represent. President Obama however many time he may prefer going at it alone, helps no one, maybe his big fat ego….but he doesn’t make the standard of living for the unemployed American any better. He picks social issues while important to certain segments of the country, though mostly important to his base and forgets about Joe smith and Juan Garcia or even, Debbie White who are struggling to make ends meet pay their mortgage and educate their kids…these folks like millions of Americans don’t lose sleep over the pill, some endangered mouse in New Mexico, they have more important things to worry about! Losing good paying jobs that go over seas or to illegal immigrants who will work for less.
Schools are graduating Ill prepared kids, who can’t read , write or have simple check balancing skills.
It’s really sad that we have such a divided country and we demonize any good idea not because it wouldn’t work but because it came from a democrat or a republican.
Politicians including the president will never go without food, without seeing a good doctor or without a job, they will become multi millionaires sitting on the boards of big business, who helped them get elected, they will command speaking fees in the hundreds of thousands of dollars….do we honestly think or believe that these people will think about us, what their policies and laws have done to us, to the country. Will they lament their bad decisions? Of course not…they will continue to amass great fortunes on the backs of the people they’ve over taxed, jobs they sent over seas or jobs they’ve shut down to appease someone somewhere who reminded them, remember all the money I donated!
Americans no longer hold politicians accountable, and after giving them so much power, these same politicians can lift a finger and the IRS, Homeland security, the EPA, they’ll be on your back like a vulture on a dead deer! They will label you an enemy of the state, a homegrown terrorist, a religious terrorist….UnAmerican, a homophobe, anti woman…A government that can threaten ordinary citizens is no longer a government of the people, by the people, it is a tyrannical entity that will grow power to squash descent and destroy freedoms. We have fed the beast, and continue to feed it, every time we shut down our neighbor, our friend, our family, because their opinion is different then ours! Civil discourse, is the norm. We have a press that is suppose to stand in between us and the government, reporting the law breakers and corruption, instead they have joined the politicians, they have become an arm of the government, demonizing anyone who speaks out.
Again we say nothing! We have no power, our voices are muted, either in fear or in submission, or complicit in the act of subversion against ones citizens, ones neighbors.
The saying, “It is better to die on ones feet then to die on ones knees”, resonates today as loudly as it did when Emiliano Zapata spoke those words….FREEDOM….it is the rallying cry for millions of people all over the world. But like us, they waited too long, thinking, our government, our politicians our leaders will never do that! Give someone enough power and they will do anything, try and take it away and they kill you.
Like everyone who inhabits this planet, we are not a perfect people, we are not a perfect world. We all struggle in someway, our journey in this life is not always easy, and we all strive for the basic needs, food shelter, happiness, peace, for our selfs but also and most importantly for our children.
If I had a crystal ball, I could say, this is crazy what I say, but history has shown us the road we take is not always good, and the leaders we trust do not always seek the same things we do. Life would grant me the greatest gift to never see these horrors occur, but we must always be vigilant…as my mother in law would say, el diablo nunca muere! Like a thief in the night, he comes while we sleep to rob of us possessions. Freedom is too important for the thief’s who encircle our days, they dole it out to whom they see fit to whomever they think worthy. Freedom is a precious gift.
Freedom is to be guarded with Eternal vigilance.
[Bob Reidel: “Mike – Saw you hangin with Bill Maher. I had no idea you were a liberal. Really blew me away. Love everything you do but now that I know who you really are, I won’t be tuning in to watch anything your involved with.”]
Well, hi there, Bob. How’s it going? Since your comment is not the only one of its kind, I thought I’d take a moment to address it.
Bill Maher is opinionated, polarizing and controversial. I get it. So is Bill O’Reilly, which is probably why I heard the same comments after I did his show. (“How could you Mike? How could you?”)
Truth is, every time I go on Fox, my liberal friends squeal. And every time I show up on MSNBC, my conservative pals whine. Not because they disagree with my position – everyone agrees that closing the skills gap is something that needs to happen. No, these days, people get bent simply if I appear on shows they don’t like, or sit too close to people they don’t care for.
What’s up with that? Is our country so divided that my mere proximity to the “other side” prompts otherwise sensible adults to scoop up their marbles and go home?
Back in 2008, I wrote an open letter to President Obama, offering to help him promote those 3 million “shovel-ready” jobs he promised to create during his campaign. (I suspected they might be a tough sell, given our country’s current relationship with the shovel.) Within hours, hundreds of conservatives accused me of “engaging with a socialist,” and threatened to stop watching Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe if I didn’t come to my senses.
When I made the same offer to Mitt Romney (who actually responded), thousands of liberals chastised me for “engaging with a greedy capitalist,” and threatened to stop watching Dirty Jobs if I didn’t take it back.
You may ask, “But what did these people think about the issue at hand?” Who knows? They were too busy being outraged by my proximity to the devil. (Poor Ed Shultz at MSNBC nearly burst into tears. “You were on the wrong stage, Mike! The wrong stage!! With the wrong candidate!!!”)
Here’s the thing, Bob – Profoundly Disconnected (http://profoundlydisconnected.com/) is not a PR campaign for Mike Rowe. It’s a PR campaign for skilled labor and alternative education. PR campaigns need … that’s right, PR, and if I limit my appearances to those shows that I personally watch, hosted only by those personalities with whom I personally agree, I might as well start a church and preach to the choir.
Point is, I didn’t go on Real Time to endorse BM, and I didn’t go on The Factor to endorse BO. I went on because millions of people watch those shows. I approached our liberal president for the same reason. Likewise, his conservative opponent. And I showed up on Sesame Street with the same agenda that I took to Congress.
Closing the skills gap is bigger than you or me or any particular venue, and Real Time gave me an opportunity to reach 5 million people. I’m grateful for that, and I’ll do it again if they want me back.
As for Bill Maher off-camera, you’ll be pleased to know that the guy was a perfect gentleman. His staff is excellent, and his after-party included an open bar with a spread I’ve never seen in such a setting. Bill took the time to hang out with his guests and their friends after the show, chatting about this and that for over an hour, and taking pictures with anyone who wanted one. Trust me, that’s rare.
If as much energy went to the poor, the hungry, the bad schools and stupid kids they’re churning out, if as much energy went to make the world just a little better place, even if it’s the town, village, city, or city block we all live in…if as much energy went into electing people who’s only agenda is the American people, helping them to prosper, keep jobs in America, instead of helping out the big business, banks, wallstreet, rich industrialists who got you elected, if as much energy was spent on being less selfish and and less self absorbed and wanting Uncle Sam to pimp us out for whatever Uncle Sam thinks would be the next grandiose idea to make government supreme…if enough people used a little more of their brain instead of their emotions, imagine how much better our world would be…
Stopping to listen to the hate and the misinformation and
just stupid things that are coming out, I’m thinking…
The Middle East is on Fire, there’s crazy men, who are way fucking worse then the Catholic Chruch, The Greens, and Bubba and God yes, even worse then the Supreme Court…..
Men, who’d stone my ass if I spoke I way I did, dressed the way I do, walked to the corner 7-11 by myself…
or just stoned my Mexican ass for being a woman…an animal is worth more then the life of a female…..Millions of Americans don’t have jobs, millions more are on foodstamps, millions of our fellow citizens are going to bed tonight wondering if they’ll have a home tomorrow, if they’ll have enough food to feed their kids, millions of people are homeless, thousands of kids are living on the streets, hundreds of thousand of people are coming across our borders looking for a better life, or a handout, depending on who your talking too…the list is endless…
But while the world is in chaos…our country is going down the toilet, thanks to Republicans and Democrats and people who don’t vote, don’t care and don’t appreciate all that we have, fanatics are complaining about a “pill”!
America is not the perfect place, it’s not utopia, because utopia does not exist, no matter how much the progressives would like to make it sound so…it doesn’t….there is not a place in this planet that is perfect….
Some people want us to be like China, or Venzeuala, or Cuba: Cuba, who’s got the best health care system in the universe, HA!! I’m always of the opinion, when I hear that….go live there for a few months, criticize and complain and when things get a little rough, then see what happens…
But, no today and for the next several months, or until the election all we will hear is how 5 men took away the reproductive rights of women, women will no longer be able to have access to birth-control pills…to abortion inducing medication…..Margaret Sanger must be having fits in hell…
Oh yes, we have so much to complain about today….the worlds going to end, because we can’t get our pills…and now the worlds going to be overpopulated, well, more then it already is…poor, poor us…woe is me!…woe is me!!!!
I go to the grocery store, and buy a 5 dollar ticket to feed the hungry, it isn’t much, but if you knew how often I go to the grocery store, it adds up….and I try to be gentler and kinder person when I’m around people even the people who don’t like me, either because they know me and think I think, I’m better….those people that never grew up in 7th grade, or the people who look at me, and think I’m one of those nasty fucking diseased ridden illegal aliens living off their hard earned paycheck…
It’s hard to imagine living in suburbia, surrounded by the creature comforts of upper middle class extravagance, or living in the West or East Coast where, or wherever the fair and minded folks live, and where hearts not only bleed liberalism but breeds envy, and a plethora of lets make the little people feel like they’re not being treated fairly…everyone has to be fair…except for me, who is way beyond living on a fixed income and eating chopped ham for dinner and washing it down with kool aide…and while we’re at it, lets provide them with birth-control so they don’t breed like rabbits…they take up too much space, eat up too many resources and cling to their religion and their guns…
When I hear the hyperbole this is what I see…what I imagine…someone, someone’s always trying to control someone else, in the guise of a better life…My neighbor growing up had 17 kids, and most of the folks I lived around, had more then 4 kids, we were, by those standards, orphans…but, those parents, they always had plenty of food on the table, and there was even enough for me, when I invited myself over to dinner…There was not government handouts….people worked hard, fed, clothed and schooled their kids…My own Father-n-law and Mother-n-law had 10 kids and they worked their butts off, there were hard time for them…but they managed to raise some pretty good kids, who have grown up with a great work ethic, who have never stood in line waiting for someone to give them something…I think, We’ve done the same with our kids…they certainly work damn hard…
So listening to all the crap I’ve heard, from both sides, I’m just amazed at realizing how fucking lucky we are and how fucking stupid some people are….
you think the women who were kidnapped a few months ago, or the women who are buried up to their necks and stoned to death or the women who are beat up out on a public sidewalk ever think, well, fuck me, I just won’t be able to get my pills this month or I had unprotected sex last night and need a quick fix pill….Do they they bemoan the paternalistic and patriarchal society into which they were born into while they’re being brutalized, doused with acid, maybe having a clitorectomy…
Nah, I don’t think so.
Our priorities sure are screwed up.