Most of us never really contemplate death….especially when we’re young…it happens to friends, to distant relatives. As we get older we see death closer, it touches our lifes.
On May 25 my sister Polly died. She had been battling colon cancer for about 4 and half years…she fought a brave battle, but in the end, she couldn’t win.
Death is a un welcomed friend to us all….eventually it comes for us.
I saw my mother die and though her death was not by all means peaceful, she did not suffer. On the other hand Polly suffered much…thru chemo treatments and personal struggles…disappointments.
It was at times difficult to watch her….she’d always been active, always doing something…working in her garden, her home, her family and little by little, it all came to a grinding halt.
I wonder thru the days as if in a daze…I see things, I read something…I get an email and my first thought, I have to send this to Polly and then it hits me, Polly isn’t here anymore. I push my cart thru the grocery store and I think of all the family get togethers she planned…saying, we need to make
memories, “I want to leave behind good memories for everyone”…..and she did…I drive thru my little town square and remember the many trips we walked around, shopping in the antique stores, the clothing boutiques…and always, always stopping off to eat lunch. We loved to eat…it was a sister thing….when we got together we ate!
It feels like a piece of my heart has been torn out…I miss my sister so much….and though people say they understand, they really don’t.
Your parents grow old and they die…but they’ve lived a good life, they’ve left you with years and years of memories…you lose a friend and you feel
the tug in your heart….you lose your partner…and you miss the things you shared…the places you visited…the many nights you laid together in bed…making love, holding each other, reading, trips and on and on…but as the months go by and the years go by….you move on…you find companionship in other people you may even find another partner to share your life with….but when you lose a sibling…no one can replace them…there’s a bond that is as strong as the bond of a parent and child…you can’t replace your children either…I will never have another sister like Polly….I will never be able to sit across from her and listen to her voice, her stories…I will never hear her
say, “I love you sister”….or the simple questions…”lupe you wanna go get some lunch?” I will never have the chance to feel the warmth of her hugs.
Everyone tells me, time will help…and I want to believe that..
I want to go back to 5 years ago and start all over again….before the cancer…before time ran out and I want to do all the things we talked
about doing…I Just want to go back…but I know I can’t….
So, until the time comes where my heart will not feel like its breaking….
I will remember all those memories we made…in between tears
and laugther, the memories will sustain me…
If you have siblings, take the time to get to know them….spend time
with them…and tell them you love them….tell all the people you
know….all the people close to your heart…tell them what they mean,
how much you love them…because death comes knocking when you
least expect it….you never know how much a person means to you
until they are gone…